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Episode 73: How to Cultivate Unshakable Confidence

Episode 73: How to Cultivate Unshakable Confidence

Ever wonder why that degree or career change did not take you to the Todrick Hall confidence level? 

In this episode, we are talking about how to build the confidence you need to march in any room and own it! Confidence is not something we are born with even us extroverted enneagram 3s have to cultivate confidence.

When you show up as your awesome confident self it makes sales, pitching, and scaling your business that much easier.

Get ready to level up and show up to your next Livestream with a new attitude!

On this week’s episode we discuss: 

What are you nurturing in your life and your business?

Do you really trust and believe in yourself?

How to leverage your confidence to generate growth within your business

Links we mentioned: 

https://caitscudder.com/episode/how-to-fail-like-a-boss/

https://youtu.be/PU_SDcn5XGA

https://rise.caitscudder.com/order1

Can’t Listen? Read the Transcript!

Welcome to the born to rise podcast, the show that celebrates the limitless power of women who say yes to their gifts and use them to build extraordinary lives and businesses. Each month I’ll be interviewing world class women thought leaders, entrepreneurs and visionaries to uncover their expert tools, tips and wisdom on what it takes to claim your vision. boldly go after it and elevate into your highest potential. I’m your host Cait Scudder, reminding you gorgeous that you were born to rise.

Hello, and welcome to today’s episode of The boy winterize podcast. I’m your host Cait Scudder before I go ahead and dive right in because Holy smokes I have so much to say about this topic. Let me just preface this by saying that I don’t know if there is a more important conversation that we can have when it comes to getting your energy right in business. Then the conversation around confidence. I have been having so many conversations recently with colleagues with clients about how to cultivate unstoppable confidence. Even when conditions are hard even when you fall down, even when it feels like you just don’t know what to do next. Guys, confidence is not a personality trait confidence is not something that you are either born with or not. Whether you’re introverted or extroverted confidence is a vital skill actually, in your business that you can grow that you can learn and that you can most importantly, learn to develop inside of yourself to carry with you as you grow and scale your business. No matter what stage you are at. Whether it’s pitching yourself to media, launching your first program, putting yourself out on social media for the first time, or getting on that sales call with a dream client confidence is That secret ingredient that really makes all of the strategy steps and all of the pieces that you line up for your business actually work or not. So in this episode, I’m going to be unpacking my biggest tips for you to cultivate unstoppable confidence. Before I go ahead and dive in just a quick reminder for you guys to make sure that after this episode, you go ahead and head on over to iTunes to leave the barns arised podcasts or review every single week guys, I pick a winner to win a free 30 minute one on one coaching session with me. This is the only way in the entire world that you get to win my time for free. And you get to do it simply by leaving a review. I know that so many of you listen to this show. I so appreciate every single dm I get and if you would just leave some of that love on the board and terrorize iTunes. It would mean the absolute world to me so head on over to iTunes search born to rise podcast Cait Scudder, go down to the office Adam, leave us a written review. And I just makes all the difference. It means the absolute world to me. So thank you guys. So, so much I read every single review and it just means the world. So without further ado, let’s talk cultivating unstoppable confidence. All right, so first things first, we need to get straight. The confidence is not a personality trait. Here’s what I want to say about this. So much of the time, I think we can attribute you know, those like dynamic powerhouse leaders that we see. I mean, I’ve had this image projected onto me. Oh, yes, I’m an extrovert. Yes, I’m loud. Yes, I have a really bold personality. But I was not always a confident person. Like, let’s just rewind to little 22 year old Kate 23 year old Kate my god you guys literally before you project any story of like, man, she’s just got this like incredible confidence. Just take a little trip down memory lane was me when I was 23, I had just graduated with my Master’s in teaching, extremely qualified, okay, I had a Master’s at 23 I went to one of the most prestigious colleges in the world for undergrad, got 3.9 GPA, went on to get a full scholarship in graduate school, graduated with high honors masters at 22 or 23, however old 23 and I got my first teaching job at 23. And guys, when I would show up at work, I was literally an anxious wreck. I was leading six classes a day I had over 60 students, all of the parents Meanwhile, I’m trying to figure out how the hell to like make my lunch commute to work on time, pay rent, and just like generally figure out how to be an adult. So I was an absolute freaking anxious wreck. And even though my personality is is largely the same, I mean, obviously I’ve grown and developed calm evidence was not something that I was cultivating at the time. And it really, really showed what I and the reason that I wanted to like paint that picture of all these qualifications I have because one thing I hear a lot in the entrepreneurial space is, oh, I would be so much more confident if I just had a coaching certification or I would be so much more confident if I just had a feature in this magazine or I would be so much more confident if this or if that as if confidence is something that can be attributed or one from outside of you. And I was guilty of this too, in my old career as a teacher. And as an educator I was banking on Well, when I get these letters behind my name, I’m going to feel an extraordinary amount of confidence or when I graduate from Smith’s Master’s in teaching program. I’m going to feel like the hottest new teacher in the school and just be super empowered and know exactly what I’m doing and what I want to say. And the fact is what I learned is that Confidence is not something that we can source outside of ourselves. It’s not a permission slip, given by an institution. It’s not a permission slip, and a pat on the back given by letters behind our name. It’s not even, you know, somebody else, just rah, rah, cheering us up, right? It’s really about the relationship that we choose to cultivate with ourselves, the beliefs that we choose to enforce consciously or not day in and day out. And it’s a decision really, that we make on a daily basis to either nurture our confidence or nurture our self doubt and I know that might sound really like black and white like you’re either nurturing confidence or you’re nurturing self doubt hold on Kate. Like, I don’t feel like I’m actively nurturing my confidence, but I don’t really feel like I’m actively nurturing myself out. Well, here’s why I see it. Really in this way. When we are looking at whatever is we’re wanting to achieve in business that any kind of growth that we want to have, like I said, whether you are pitching yourself to press whether you are launching a signature program, whether you are simply posting on social media and like showing your face on a live stream feels hard or recording a solo episode on a podcast, right? It takes a certain amount of confidence to believe in ourselves enough to put our voice put our message with our face and make that public whatever, whatever kind of public that is. And for a lot of people, underneath the lack of confidence can be this fear of being rejected the fear of what will they think of me the fear of what if I say the wrong thing, the fear of what if I mess up the fear of what if I’m not good enough, right? All of these different fears can come up and side note if you guys want to hear me jam, about fear in a serious way and help you overcome Whatever fear is holding you back from rising into your full potential, please do yourself a favor and after listening to this episode like oh my gosh, talk about like a confidence double whammy go listen to my TED Talk. Rising is a risk, do it anyway, I talk about the three biggest fears that hold us back from achieving what were put on this planet to achieve and how to overcome them. Go listen to that Ted Talk. It will be a very worthwhile 17 minutes of your life. If it’s not right to me, let me know. I won’t give you your 17 minutes back. But I don’t think we’re going to have that problem because it is literally the most important message that you need to hear if you are struggling with fear. So we’ll put that link in the show notes. You can also go on to YouTube and just write Cait Scudder TEDx and you will find it. But I really want you to listen to that if you struggle specifically with these fears of being judged fear of failing fear of putting yourself out there and being rejected. Right. This is so human. I mean to say if you are a human being and you struggle with the Things can go listen to that, but because really all of us struggle with those things. I’ve struggled with those things not just like 10 years ago, but like last month, you know, I struggle with, with fear just like everybody else does. But my relationship to fear is so much different now. And so let’s bring that back to confidence. What does it mean to cultivate unshakable confidence cultivate unstoppable confidence, even in the face of doubt and uncertainty. And what I want to say is, I think that the the second most important thing that I want to share so first things first, confidence isn’t a personality trait is something that you can cultivate. The second thing that I want to say is that confidence comes from taking action. confidence comes from taking action. So here’s what I mean by this. A lot of the time, we wait until or we think we tell ourselves that we will feel confident when we get to to a certain place, we will feel confident enough to act when XYZ condition happens, then we will feel enough confidence to then take the courageous action required to move us forward. In my experience, the exact opposite is true. And here’s what I mean by that when we take action before we feel ready, before we feel prepared before we feel certain of the outcome, because spoiler alert, you’re never gonna feel certain about anything in life and definitely not in business. Right? No matter how good you get, there are always massive uncertainties. And there’s nothing like being in the time of COVID running a business in the time of COVID. to showcase that right, so many business owners, myself, my clients, my colleagues, my peers, everybody this year, has had to pivot for one reason or another, right and that pivot isn’t we don’t wait to feel confident and certain about exactly how that pivot is going to turn out. In order to act we act and in so doing, retrain our brain, retrain our beliefs, retrain our internal knowing and retrain our internal compass that you know what I’m actually capable of making powerful decisions I’m capable of trusting myself to take action even in the face of uncertainty I’m capable of leading and moving forward and being seen and being imperfect and being brave and doing it anyway. And you know what? When I do that, when I take that action, guess what I start to feel I start to feel confident I started to feel self trust in instead of looking over my shoulder scrolling through Instagram, trying to figure out what every other leader influencer coach is doing and copying them. One of the things that I think is the most like the most important thing I want to transmit to you guys. In this episode and I so appreciate that you tune into this podcast. If you do you likely view me as somebody that you respect and that is a leader in this space and I absolutely own that I am a humongous thought leader in the online coaching space in the heart centered business coaching space scaling to six, multiple six, seven figures with heart and soul. That is my jam and I own my leadership in this space. But here’s what I want you to know. What I want you to take away from this episode is that neither I nor any other influencer or a thought leader coach, anybody that you learn from anybody that you look up to, is going to be the source of your confidence you and what is inside of you is the source of your confidence. And when you cultivate a strong muscle memory and your own action taking and decision making process, I’m going to say that again, when you cultivate a certain repetition of certain Encourage and a certain self trust in your action taking in your decision making process. That is how you cultivate confidence. That is how you cultivate self trust. That is how you learn that you have what it takes to lean in and do the difficult thing over and over and over again. Even when it feels like you have doubt even when it feels like you have uncertainty. No person okay? In business, nobody that you look at nobody that you look up to is devoid of feeling uncertain, but where we get to choose, am I going to cultivate confidence in the face of this or not, is? Do I basically stay alone in the echo chamber of my brain second guessing myself or do I take that action and I don’t want to make this as reductive is like take messy action before you’re ready, blah, blah, blah, because that’s part of what I’m saying. But that’s not all of what I’m saying. What I’m saying is unshakable confidence comes from a habit Choosing the action that is uncomfortable that is in the direction of your growth. And when you do that, you actively retrain your brain to move in the opposite direction of your fear. And when you train your brain to do brave things in business, you build confidence. It’s kind of the same thing. Like I don’t know, I’m just thinking back. I’m looking at a painting on my wall that’s like this beautiful lake. And I’m thinking back to my childhood and so many times that when I was learning to swim, I grew up going to this swimming hole in upstate New York. And I remember when I was learning to swim, my parents taught me to swim at a really early age going out and being freaking terrified of snapping turtles roll with me guys. I know this might sound like a weird analogy, but I was terrified of snapping turtles. I’d heard a story when I was little have like little snapping turtles like biting off the toes of little humans swimming in this lake. I was freaking terrified. But I remember feeling like I loved the feeling of that. cold water on my skin I love the feeling after getting out of a lake in summer there’s literally nothing better there’s nothing I love more today that to this day then for swimming in water in the summertime natural water not in a pool of Lake, a river, a stream an ocean, whatever it is I love to swim. And I remember going out like actively needing to not wait until I was certain that I could see every you know every single thing on the bottom of the lake I couldn’t but actively like trusting myself enough to get out in that water first like brace against the cold and move forward anyway, second brace against the unknown of what I couldn’t see at the bottom but to just trust myself and take the action take the plunge literally, of going into the water and the reward. On the other side. What I taught myself from a really early age was I can do this I can trust myself to number one, stay afloat. Number two not get eaten by a snapping turtle. But like I trust myself enough to swim I trust myself enough to handle this. And of course there’s like there those moments and I full disclosure still as like a grown ass adult. If I touch something like squirmy or weird in the water, I will scream like I’m a four year old. But that doesn’t mean that the risk of doing that the risk of touching something wonky underwater is not going to stop me from putting myself out there and taking the action, right. So bring that analogy back to your business. You can’t know everything that’s going to happen when you launch a program. Maybe you’re going to have a six figure launch. Maybe it’s going to be a flop. If you need some reassurance on how to handle a failure. Once you fail, go back a few episodes. I can’t remember what episode number it is, but we’ll link it my podcast manager will link it in the show notes. I did an entire episode talking about one of my biggest failures. I had like an 80 k launch. And then maybe it was a 60 k lodges. It was one of the first launches I did of nail your niche. I can’t remember the exact number but it’s a multi multi hop Five figure launch. And then my very next launch after that was a $500 launch. And I talked about that quote unquote failure. What that taught me what I learned from that. But here’s what I want to say, right? That that action, being willing to take the action launch the program, not fear, what’s the worst that could happen but actively choose to cultivate the muscle of I’m going to take action even if I don’t know the outcome, I’m going to take action even if I’m uncertain of exactly where this is going to go, because I trust myself enough to course correct if I need to, because I’m not being such a perfectionist to demand that my action be perfect, straight away. Then I can really lean back and find ease and comfort in the confidence that I’m cultivating and that you guys that ingredient that special sauce of not needing to be perfect, taking action, not because we’re demanding that we like it. Do that triple pirouette and land it and stick it on the first go, but that we trust ourselves enough to take action in business bravely. And know that if we need to course correct if we make a mistake if we experience a failure, we have what it takes to shift and change. And let me tell you, there is no more important skill set that you can cultivate in your business than the skill set of trusting yourself, then the skill set of learning to think in a way that treats yourself as confident and act in a confident way. There is no more important skill set and I don’t mean like a fake it till you make it confident way. I mean, in a way that is a confidence that is deeply rooted and profound self trust. So in order to really cultivate this confidence that comes from action taking, we’ve got to be willing to put ourselves in the arena, put ourselves in the arena, despite the fear and the judgment put ourselves in the arena. Despite how Feeling on a particular day. So this is that’s going into the third thing that I want to talk about with you today. put ourselves in the arena before we feel ready. And what happens is when you are in that arena, after you have put yourself outside of your comfort zone, decided to stretch your capacity, you will find that putting yourself in that situation will cultivate and grow your confidence and then your job is to just keep going. Just keep going and reinforcing that belief. And I’m telling you guys, this is like muscle memory training your brain, your body, your beliefs. The more that you do that the more you put yourself in the arena, the more you get in the habit of taking the actions that feel uncomfortable whether that is making a god I’ve done this so many times, being confident enough to make an investment in your business that feels scary or that feels new, being confident enough to ask for help and support. Maybe you’re already inside of a program or you have a mentor but you’re afraid of it. asking question or sounding too dumb or you’re you’re really apologetic about leaning into the support that you’ve that you’ve invested in, or maybe you are, you know, just hemming and hawing over every piece of content that you put out. And there’s just as not good enough monster that’s so loud in your ear, no matter what the issue is regarding confidence that you’re facing right now in your business. I want you to promise me something and more importantly, like promise yourself something that you are going to practice the muscle actively develop the muscle, of taking the action and leaning in, even when it feels uncomfortable, because I promise you as quote unquote, not confident as you feel to take that action. Taking the action is what will cause you to develop the confidence that you want to feel. And that is what generates a positive spiral, what I call a positive feedback loop that begets more and more confident action, more confident behavior, more confident. Thought, and all of that creates this like whirlpool of positive momentum that is really, really the thing that we want. Boom. Okay, so the third thing that I wanted to talk about as it relates to confidence is the ripple effect that confidence creates, when we and I just spoke about this a little bit. But when we start to make confidence, our default mode of operation or default behavior, what happens is, it becomes so much easier to actually start to shift your self identity and shift your self perception from Oh, I’m not really a confident person, or, you know, I’m not really that strong in this area to actually believing and seeing and perceiving ourselves as confident. And one thing I know to be true, I mean, let’s just like zoom out for a second and look at confidence as it relates to sales, right? Like why is competence even important? If you are having a conversation with somebody And maybe you guys have been in this situation either like selling something on a discovery call or you’ve been the recipient or the the client on the client side prospective client side of somebody who is really coming across as not confident not only not confident in themselves but not confident in the thing that they offer it doesn’t really make you want to lean in does it it doesn’t certainly doesn’t make you want to invest thousands of dollars. And this is why like, we really want to practice this habit like I’m saying in point to like cultivating that muscle of feeling confident and of acting confident before we feel ready. What happens when we start to create this positive feedback loop and create this habit of of becoming more confident is that it has such a powerful ripple effect, not only internally but also externally. Our clients or prospective clients can feel it we we all the sudden now. engender and create more respect in the people that we serve. Not because we’re infallible not because we’re perfect, but because we believe the words that we’re saying because that because we show up as empowered as embodied as whole humans. And when we don’t do that, right, we inadvertently drive sales away, we inadvertently lose attention, not in the like, whoo, we’ve got to like, have all the attention all eyes on us all the time, kind of a way but in the way of, you know, if you want to lead somebody, if you want to lead a community, if you want to lead a movement, you’ve got to be able to sustain the attention, the awareness, the respect of the people in the room, you know, figuratively and literally like across the end, when we’re able to be in rooms with people again, but also like in the room of your Facebook group and the room of your Instagram profile. How are you showing up? How are you either radiating that sense of confidence? That’s sense of ease within yourself that sense of acceptance within yourself that sense in that modeled embodiment of bravery or not. Right. And I think that’s when we, when we see a leader who has that who’s been able to arrive at that sense of ease within themselves and self trust, there’s something profoundly magnetic about that. So if you have struggled to, to develop that, and to cultivate that, again, I really want to encourage you to bring focus off of like, Oh, look at how naturally confident she is, or Oh, if I just had these letters behind my name, my name, I would be like that, too. And really bring your focus back to what are the action steps that I can be taking to actively move in the opposite direction of my fear and contraction and move into a profound place of self trust. And the last little tip I want to give you guys about about cultivating this unshakable self confidence is that sometimes we have to, like I said, not only act before we’re ready but act an interest in something that is bigger than us that we might not necessarily feel in that moment. So I have done I’ve literally done this before I have done a live stream on a morning that I woke up and you know felt like absolute crap or felt super low energy or felt, you know, really sad about something right? Does was I like overflowing with confidence into and ready to like go slay the day. No, do I wake up like that every single day? No. But what I’m able to do in order to drop into that space is holding myself accountable to the actions that I know that will pull me out of whatever shakiness or uncertainty I’m experiencing and actually helped me cultivate that confidence. So I want you to promise me that you’re going to suspend your disbelief you’re going to suspend and push to the side your excuses of Oh, I don’t feel ready today or I don’t feel good today or I’m happy Having an off day and obviously you know, be gentle with yourself. I’m not saying you have to push through, you know, whenever you don’t feel great like obviously listen to your body obviously listen to your intuition always first and foremost, like done and done. That will also help you feel more confident but what I am saying maybe I should say and what I am saying is that when you are able to kind of hold your all of your feelings all of how you’re doing all of what’s coming up for you and discern Okay, am I going to act on like what’s what’s the most loving thing for myself is the most loving and self respecting thing to take a break or am I wanting to take a break because I’m in some sort of avoidant pattern because I’m, you know, in a little bit of self sabotage right now what’s going to actually make me feel more confident and self trusting. If stepping back is going to make you feel more confident and self trusting. Then step back, if what is going to make you feel more confident and self trusting is Showing up anyway, even when you feel bad putting some cold water on your face splashing that water on putting on that mascara and pressing live, then go do that. And I have done that before. And I will tell you guys, this practice of acting before you feel ready will help you cultivate the confidence that you need. So let’s just recap here guys. Confidence is not a personality trait. It’s something that you can cultivate. Thing number two confidence comes from taking action and putting yourself in the arena. And number three, when you make that a practice, you will get yourself in the habit of upward spiraling your confidence instead of feeling like you get out of control in this avoidant pattern and end up retracting so I want you guys to practice these and let me know how it goes. The last thing that I want to share is that I have had I mean, this is probably one of the most asked questions that I’ve received since I started my business. And I created a tool a resource. Many of you have already purchased this but if you haven’t, it’s A super low cost resource like we’re talking 49 bucks you guys like, get this if you don’t already have it the rise mindset mastery album. It’s a one hour danceable mindset meditation, audio freakin journey transformation like holy smokes, put this thing on, you can listen to it while you’re driving. I probably wouldn’t recommend it though I would recommend listening to this in your morning, whether you go on a run, whether you are just like moving in your house, whether you’re doing your mindset journaling, but I had the vision of creating an album that would have the same effect of listening to like a badass pump up playlist with a powerful NLP training with this just embodied and felt sense almost like journey like experience to get confidence and the feeling of confidence into your bones beyond your brain into your bones. Throughout this episode, we’ve talked about not just thinking powerful thoughts or thinking positively Thoughts but acting. And the way that we act is through embodiment, the way that we take action is through our whole being not just our words and our thoughts, but our action and the rise mindset mastery album is designed to help you get into an embodied energetic embodied state of confidence so that you are able to successfully execute your sales calls your content creation, anything that you need to go and do in your business and do so from a place of a shifted energetic state. When of confidence, self trust and power. That is what the rise album helps you do. So we’re gonna put that link in the show notes but you can go ahead to go to rise. Cait Scudder comm Get your copy of this album, you guys my commitment to you is is going to be the best $49 you spend. I have people who’ve bought this album two years ago and tell me they still listen to it before every single sales call that they do. It’s that powerful people who have woven this into their morning routine and listen to it literally or at least a part Have it every single morning. We’ve got so many stories like this and it is just such a joy for me to hear every single one of them because I believe so much in the power of cultivating an unstoppable unshakable confidence in order to help you hit big results in your business. So if you haven’t, please go ahead and grab your copy of this. If you have any questions about it, you can always DM me or send me a message. And most importantly, guys remember you have everything you need inside of you to cultivate unshakable confidence. So, execute the steps in this podcast episode. Let me know how it goes. Remember to leave us a review on iTunes. Thank you so much for listening to today’s episode of The born to rise podcast and I will see you next week.

Thank you so much for listening to this week’s episode of The borns arise podcast. If you liked what you heard, head on over to iTunes and leave us a review. And make sure to check out orange arise podcast calm to stay tuned for next week’s episode. I’ll see there.

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Hey, I'm Cait!

Boss mama, wife, and 7-figure CEO empowering women to build profitable, purpose-driven businesses that change the world.

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