How to Deal with the Fear of Being Cringe

Episode 179: How to Deal with the Fear of Being Cringe

Episode 179: How to Deal with the Fear of Being Cringe

Today we are talking about the fear that so many of us carry the fear of being cringe if you have not heard this phrase before, welcome to 2023. And out from under the rock. No, I’m just joking. But seriously, how many of us have heard this phrase, she’s so cringe in it like, I don’t know about you all, but I feel like it really activates this like mean girl ask fear of not fitting in fear of being judged fear, frankly, of playing full out into the legacy that we are destined to have. And there’s a thing for big energy women, women with big desires with a big voice, with a big presence, who are unabashed about being in their full expression that is inherently triggering, activating to people around us. And I think that one of the main reasons that this happens is that we see another woman with a big ass life, we see another woman who has everything she wants, who is wealthy, who is healthy, who is in love, who is making a big impact, who has an engaged audience, like what a family, whatever the thing is that we want. And we see her in her full expression. And for so many people, the initial interpretation of a woman playing in her bigness is either number one, she must be lying. Or number two, she’s so cringe, right? We’re so quick. And when I say we I don’t mean necessarily you listening to this are quick to judge other women. But I do think this is a really interesting phenomenon that we all carry inside of ourselves.

Why the fear of disappointment might be a safety mechanism

So I don’t think there’s like a specific type of person. That is the only person that judges other women for being cringe. What I do think is that inside each and every one of us there is a skeptic, that doubts if it is possible to have it out. There is a part of us that probably as a safety mechanism to safeguard against our own disappointment, creates this theory and this story of having it all really going for it really letting something be seen is not safe. It’s not the thing to do. And I think that there and I you know, I’m not a PhD in this. But having been in this industry for over five years, having observed so many patterns, what I do think is that the reaction or response to seeing another woman, fully expressed and fully going after what it is she’s here to do in this life, is, in some degree, a trauma response, a response that says, oh, no, she is having a big life, having big results, having a big whatever fill in the blank, happiness, joy, delight, playfulness, expansion, and therefore there’s not enough for me, it’s almost this like there’s not enough oxygen, therefore, she’s hogging the oxygen. Therefore, I feel personally triggered and potentially unsafe. I think it’s the work of each and every one of us internally to examine our own reactions, our own triggers our own activation points. And notice where we are quick to judge label call another woman cringe in her expression. But this episode is not so much about paying attention to our own reactions and triggers. I do think that’s the work that all of us need to do. What I want to talk about is if you have been on the receiving end, whether overtly having received feedback like oh my god, you’re so cringe or that’s so cringe or even being in the presence of a, a woman talking about or man, but somebody’s talking about somebody else in their full expression as being cringe what that can do to you, in your ambition in your thought leadership in the way that you run your business. There is an inherent subliminal, powerful mechanism inside of each and every one of us that hardwires us to desire belonging us to that desires belonging, there is a mechanism inside of each and every one of us that is hardwired to belong, a mechanism that says safety means being accepted by the crowd and so when we perceive even the slightest hint of having me impression upon someone else as being cringe, that can really like castrate our fullest desire to go after what we really want and our fullest expression to like really creatively go for it because we don’t want to lose a sense of belonging. We don’t want to be on the skirts we don’t want to be that person being judged. We don’t want to be that topic of conversation that everybody sort of murmuring about. And what I want to speak into this.

What it means to be on the receiving end of criticism

So if you have ever been on the receiving edge and of judgment or criticism like this, this episode is for you, and really designed to support you in radically reclaiming what it is that you want, and to support you full out to go for it. We fear not being accepted, we fear not belonging, we then fear that our ambition or expression is like too much. The first thing that I want you to ask yourself is if you have internalized this fear of being cringe, who is it that you are actually giving your power away to? For so many of us a comment was made months, years decades ago? Like is there a high school Regina George in your brain who your 17 year old self is trying to escape judgment from? Like, even now, if you are a grown woman in your 30s, as a parent, as a business owner? Are you actually letting yourself play out this like trapped trauma inside of your body? That’s why I say so much of this, like fear of being cringe is actually a trauma response from a much younger version of ourselves. So I think it’s really worth examining, if this is a genuine fear of yours, like, what does it look like to find safety in your body again, now, what does it look like to remember that you actually are not only completely safe now, but your 17 year old self, or whoever it was, that felt terrified, literally to the death of being judged and being on the outskirts, she’s fine, she is a okay. What I want you to remember is that in this game of entrepreneurship, like you are in this business, you are building a company because your ambitions are not normal. You did not choose an ordinary life, you did not choose to just do what everybody else is doing. You are literally in the business of bringing your gifts into the world, marketing them, selling them, putting your fullness out onto the internet, to be experienced by other humans, like this is not a normal path that most people take. And so is the person who you are feeling judgment from or fearing judgment from, are they actually in the arena.

Are you giving your power away to someone else?

So the first question is, like, identify who is doing the judging. And if that is a way older version of you, it’s a really potent time to radically reclaim your sovereignty in this moment, and stop giving your power away to somebody from the past. Number two is to recognize like is that person, even in the arena doing what you are doing? I say this all the time. Like if you are not on the field, I don’t want to take advice from you. And I’m not available to take criticism from you. Often times like, I have yet to see a woman who is doing big things, who is fully going for her own ambition, who is playing full out who waste her time, belittling down talking, calling other women cringe insinuating anything of the sort know, women who are here to play a big game, those of us who are here, starting big ass missions, and building legacies and building generational wealth, and truly building a movement with our message and our gifts. We don’t have time for that shit. We are only interested in building other women up and fully, unapologetically going after what we want doing and dismantling all the things that we need to do to dismantle the blockages inside of ourselves that keep us playing small, we are literally in the business of going for it. And so if you are feeling that there is cringe judgment, energy, my strong suspicion is that whoever is leaking that into your life is not a person who is even in the arena of somebody that you should be taking advice from. And just as a side note, this is why it is so important to be inside of rooms of other women who are not only building each other up and like a hype woman sort of away but who are actually doing big interesting cool things with their life who are playing Fallout. Are you getting yourself inside of those rooms you obviously listen to this podcast which I love that you do for yourself. I love that you’re plugging in and putting this message in between your ears and that you are filling yourself with inspiration, education, support to really calibrate to the frequency of a woman who’s unknown, unapologetically and ambitiously rising, but I want to know what you’re doing beyond just listening to podcasts like are you actually surrounding yourself with women who are in the arena because that makes such a difference?

Why women you admire will never criticize anyone for being “cringe”

The fear of receiving judgment from other people goes down significantly when you are surrounding yourself with positive reinforce Smith with people who have your back with women who are also in the game. Also in the arena, also on the court, doing the damn thing. If you are accepting feedback or judgment from somebody who’s not going for it, you are, I mean, there’s just no reason to let those people into your life. So that’s a really important sort of value checkpoint of who you’re actually letting yourself, receive feedback from. When it comes to playing in the full out nature of your desire, there really is just one thing that it comes all comes down to. And that is being more devoted to the version of you that you are becoming being more devoted to the the movement that you are building being more devoted to the creations that are wanting to move through you like your loyalty is not to another person whose lifeforce energy is being wasted on judging other people, your primary devotion is to what you are stewarding the work that is wanting to come through you the message on the tip of your tongue, the expression that you’re here to share.

How my very first live stream was a stepping stone that launched my brand

And guys, I’ll be real with you like when I literally can remember my first ever live stream, you want a fun homework assignment, go back, stock the shit out of me on Facebook and go to my very first live stream it will crack you up. It will make you laugh, but I remember feeling like oh my god this is so cringe who’s gonna want to watch this? Who the fuck do I think I am just posting on how to live a radiant life and like who’s gonna want to listen to me? There are already so many people with a bigger brand built out like I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m just this random girl writing user manuals living in Bali, like how cringy is this and you know what? It was the least cringy thing in the world. I was at a starting point, I was putting out a message there was something moving through me. And what I had to share at that moment was of benefit to the people in my life. It was a stepping stone it was a building block. It was that first video that launched my brand into the world and you know what each and every podcast episode each and every Instagram story each and every post that I write each and every email that I send is another piece of expression that is moving my work my mission, this movement that I am stewarding and allowing to pour through me each and every single time that I say yes to open my mouth to put my fingers on the keyboard and let that inspiration that education and that potency move through me. I am allowing the women who will be touched by my work like you who are listening here to be moved if I do not do that if I say and spend the time self judging thinking oh my gosh this is so cringe This isn’t good enough. I don’t know. You know if this is gonna really help anybody this feels really awkward or whatever the thing is, whatever story I’m telling myself, I am literally blocking the natural order of abundance I’m blocking the natural order of momentum. I am stagnating myself based on a false reality that is ingrained Yes sure. In this like ancient primal, you know, part of our brain that wants belonging to fit in and survival, but you have to remember that any of those voices have this is so cringy oh my god that’s so cringe is coming from a disintegrated trauma motivated part of ourselves that feels like there is not enough. It is rooted in an ideology of scarcity and that is simply not true.

Why the fear of being cringe is nothing more than a distraction

If you understand yourself to be safe in this world, to express yourself safe to channel your gifts safe to go as big as you want to go and you truly understand yourself to be a vessel a conduit, a channel for divine inspiration movement, message to pour through you. You open yourself up to so much freaking momentum. The the fear of being cringe or being perceived as cringy is it’s just a distraction. It’s a distraction, y’all it’s a distraction from what your soul’s mission is here to do. I want to ask you what is actually more scary. The fear of being labeled cringe by somebody who is really in this paradigm of not enoughness probably editing their own expression probably feeling like it’s not safe for them to go full out to play full out to have everything they want to have and so that’s why they’re spending time judging other people for going for it. What’s really more scary that coming back to you or you sitting on your gifts you watering down your ambition you not fully claiming the fullness of what you want, and going after it to me that that’s the ultimate cringe. If you have been Muslim In your desire, if you’ve been downplaying your expression, this is your reminder to number one, check yourself, who are you giving your power away to and radically reclaim it. And number two, to truly see yourself as a vessel for a legacy that is bigger than you. I know, for me, this always gets me out of my own way, if I’m really heady, and like, Oh, does this post make sense? Or should I do this? Or maybe I need to edit it more. I asked myself, Kate, does it do more good to sit on this to tinker with it to try to make it perfect to question whether you’re good enough, ready enough, blah, blah, blah? Or does it do more good to have your work out in the world, even if it’s not perfect, even if it could be better, even if there’s all these ways that people could judge it? Remember, you being in the fullness of your expression, and allowing your gifts to come through you and out into the world to serve others, literally has the power to shape and shift the trajectory of somebody’s life? I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve shared a live stream or published an episode where I’ve afterwards I’m like, Did I say anything valuable in that at all? Did that did that even make sense? I’ve thought about taking it down. And I’ve gotten messages days later, saying that was incredibly impactful.

That was exactly the thing that I needed to hear. We just we are so quick to judge ourselves because we’re afraid of being judged by others for being cringe. When Little do we know that our shitty first draft that our channeled message that our wisdom that we don’t even recognize as wisdom because we’re swimming in it, we are who we are, we speak how we speak so many of us don’t even understand don’t even have a comprehension for the fact that what we share what we do effortlessly, what we fail to even see in ourselves as extraordinary is changing somebody else’s reality that is so true for you. So this is your reminder to let the need of your people and to let the knowing that your legacy is here to be made and that the only way that that’s going to be made is by you showing up for the assignment that let that be the thing that moves you to action, not the fear of being cringe holding you into stagnation. I hope that this episode gave you a really powerful insight and also just like a freakin kick in the butt to get out there. Share your message share your work. Do not let the fear of being judged by somebody who’s not even in the arena. hold you back. If this episode was impactful for you guys, I would love for you to share it on your Instagram Stories tag me @caitscudder. Let me know your biggest takeaway I hope this was so impactful for you. Bye guys.

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Hey, I'm Cait!

Boss mama, wife, and 7-figure CEO empowering women to build profitable, purpose-driven businesses that change the world.


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