Episode 180: How to Bring Benevolent Dom Energy into Your Sales Process

Episode 180: How to Bring Benevolent Dom Energy into Your Sales Process

Today we are talking about how to skillfully, lovingly and potently meet your potential clients, your followers, your warm leads, where they are at the moment of a decision where they are feeling both deeply magnetized and deeply, either fearful, hesitant, uncertain, I really want to pull back the curtain today and talk about this dynamic. You know, because I think for so many of us, we feel like to either quote unquote, overcome objections feels manipulative, it feels hypermasculine, it feels convincing. And listen, there is absolutely a way in which you can do all of that and be in a disgusting energy be in the energy of desperation be in the energy of not actually listening to the human on the other side, not actually hearing what their concerns are, and overriding whatever their genuine hesitation is to meet your own ends. That’s not what we’re talking about here. That is not behavior that I condone whatsoever. And it is also imperative that as a business owner, as a marketer, as a person who is doing sales, that you understand psychologically, what comes up for somebody in a sales process and a decision making process in a buying process, there are literal psychological mechanisms in place designed for people to play out patterning that literally does not serve them. And so what we’re going to talk about today is a tangible, practical set of skills that you get to bring into a sales context when you have people in your audience warm leads, who are both deeply magnetized, and they’re just having trouble pulling the trigger, or they’re just finding a way to try to talk themselves out of it. What does it mean to be with them in your power, to return their power to them and also to powerfully lovingly and masterfully call them to rise? That is what we’re going to talk about today. Let’s be real, there are going to be times when you have people in your audience who are drawn to your work, who are magnetized to a program who keep coming back over and over and over again. And yet they are not pressing play. They’re in a hesitation loop. They’re advocating for the reasons why they can’t have it or they’re advocating for the reasons why it’s not going to work for them or they’re looking at all of the downsides. They’re like micro analyzing the program in a way that you can see is patterned behavior that is not serving them.

What does it mean to “skillfully determine” someone’s desire

So let me tell you what this conversation is not this conversation is not how can you convince people to do what you want them to do for your own personal game? That is called manipulation. That is not what we are talking about here. We are talking about what does it mean to skillfully determined to skillfully hear somebody’s desire, hear somebody’s true magnetization to your program your offer to their own growth, and be able to witness and discern where their patterning where their fear of the unknown fear of the of not getting results whatever the thing is, we’re a patterned response is playing itself out and literally sabotaging them in the process. I always, always teach and say to my clients, your job as a marketer, your job as a salesperson in addition to your job as a coach. Obviously, your job as a coach is to deliver data to deliver an extremely high quality product or service. Your job as a coach is to deliver to the highest extent possible, the best possible transformation that you can deliver.

How the energy you bring to your marketing should help you determine if a person is a right fit for you

But you also as a business owner, have a responsibility in your marketing, you also as a business owner, have a responsibility in your sales process. And the way in which you hold somebody in container once they are paying you. The way in which you hold somebody inside of a paid experience actually begins with the way that you mark it and the way that you sell. Now, I don’t mean that you need to like be given out free advice in your DMS. That’s not what I’m saying. But what I am saying is that your way of Your frequency, the energetic that you bring to your marketing into your sales, your ability to hold your people to hear the words, and you know, have the for so many of us, like who do sales in the DMS, right? We get reflections that say yeah, yeah, but like, I don’t know if I can commit to that long or like, I just have a ton of stuff going on in my life right now. And it does.

Your job is to be able to hear the words that are being spoken to you, or read the words, you know, that are being written to you to be able to actively determine and decipher. Okay, is this genuinely just like, not a fit for this person right now. But if you can see that this person is drawn to working with you, they’re drawn to the offer that you’re selling, and you’re literally watching them in lifetime come up with all of the reasons why they can’t have it? Yeah, well, you know, I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to commit to a year long program, because in six months, like, I’m going to be going on holiday with my kids, or like you’re watching them just come up from out of the ethers with all of these reasons why they can’t have the thing that they want. Where I see women struggle, big hearted women, true leaders from within Seoul, lead women, women who care deeply about not just the money that they’re making, but also the impact that they’re having is that they get uncomfortable holding their clients and holding the women who are coming into the world, the leads who are coming into their world, in that moment of hesitation. And what I have to say is that if you are not comfortable holding somebody, in the moment of the sale, if you’re not comfortable reflecting back to them in a powerful way, what is going on, and I’m not talking about free coaching, okay, I’m talking about being able to really hold the frequency and the energetic, when I say hold them, I don’t mean like carry their shit or solve their baggage or any of that that’s not what I’m talking about. What I’m talking about is being able to meet them where they are, and say, Hey, this is what I am seeing. This is what I am hearing, I am hearing that you have a desire, a strong desire to do this.

And I also hear you future forecasting about all of these reasons that this is not going to work for you. And I want to bring you back here to planet earth to this present moment right now and ask you a simple question. What do you actually want? And are you more committed and interested in like really leaning on all of your excuses? And all of the reasons that you can’t have it? Or are you actually truly moved by what I also hear you telling me that this is the thing that you want, that you’re ready for this breakthrough that you’re desiring this level of growth. If that is the case, I’m lovingly going to suggest that you’re going to have to find another year that something is going to have to shift here. It’s not my job as the mentor to make that decision for you. But it is my job as the mentor and as the marketer and as the person in a sales process to say, Hey, if you are like coming at me hot and heavy saying you want this, but then you’re also bringing up to me all of these reasons that you say you can’t have it, there is a lack of congruence there. And that lack of congruence and I’m saying this to all of you guys who are listening as business owners as placeholders as people who lead sales calls, who create marketing campaigns, if you are hearing over and over and over again, I’m so drawn to work with you. I know I need to be in your world. I definitely want to do one of your programs. I know I need to, you know to work with you and to be in your world and then people are not crossing the threshold and you’re like, Hmm, maybe it’s about me, maybe my program sucks. Maybe I’m not as good as her maybe this maybe that and we like go into this tailspin. You are not meeting your people powerfully at the moment of the breakdown.

I’m going to talk for a second about a book that I recommend to all of my clients. The book is called unbound A Woman’s Guide to power it’s written by Kasia Urbinak who was a guest on the Born to rise podcast my podcast so if you have not listened to that episode, go back listen to that episode. Her name is Kasia Urbinak And she wrote this book called unbound A Woman’s Guide to power and inside of this book just for like a little bit of context she worked for years she her training is as a Taoist nun so like deeply spiritual deeply somatic deeply understanding psychology transpersonal psychology, but she also has this lens of working for like I think over 10 years as one of New York City’s most highly sought after dominatrixes Okay, so it’s kind of like trendy now to talk about like sub DOM whatever in business. She is an OG she’s been doing this forever. This was a required reading book for my mastermind last year and it is just like apps of freakin literally mind blowing. I recommend it to everybody.

The highest expression of power in both the sub and dom energies

So what does this have to do with what I’m talking About there is a way, one of the things she talks about in the book is the the highest expression of power, as in the DOM energy and the highest expression of power in the sub energy, the sub energy power. And this podcast isn’t exactly about this, although it’s related. The highest expression of power when we’re in that sub is like the deep essence of magnetization. Right? This is like in our storytelling in our branding, in our marketing in our in the way that we speak, the way that we express like that is where we are in like a very inward focused, energetic and attention. And where we really magnetize people in that highest frequency and highest expression of power, the DOM energy. And this is I’ve been talking to so many clients about like activating and strengthening their inner business Dom, because for a lot of women, this is an edge, this feels super uncomfortable. Because whether we have like a broken relationship with the masculine within ourselves or a masculine figure in our lives, we feel uncomfortable stewarding and entering into that expression of DOM inner masculine power as it relates to a sales process.

What a benevolent, ethical, dom energy will really do

Because we don’t want to be manipulative. We don’t want to be unethical, we don’t want to twist somebody’s arm and force them to do something that they don’t want to do like, right, who wants that? No, that’s not what this is about. What a benevolent, empowered, fully present inner DOM inner masculine will do in a situation where they hear somebody. So let me give you a little context, I was having a coaching call this morning, and we were talking about one of my clients has a brilliant, incredible program that is eight months long, and she was sharing and saying that, you know, she could anticipate her people saying an eight month commitment isn’t going to work for me eight months, like I don’t know where I’m going to be in eight months, or like I’m having some sort of hesitation to do eight months. And this particular client works with women in a very deep, very embodied way to alter the container. So this is interesting. And I want you guys to think about if you’re listening to this, where if sales have been slow for you, or people have been slow to enroll, have you thought about modifying and restructuring the contents and the boundary of your container in order to make the sale easier in order to accommodate a perceived or an actual objection or hesitation that someone has, and I want to offer you and it’s not like always wrong to make modifications to a container. Of course, we want to be open to feedback, etc. However, if you find yourself looking at, oh, people have an objection and instantly going to, well, how can I just bend over and modify and make sure that like, I’m just moving everything on my end to accommodate their uncomfortableness, you are not holding a powerful benevolent presence, which is activating that inner business DOM energy, you’re not holding a powerful presence that that person needs in order to step in and say yes, you being wobbly in either the price point that you’ve set or the duration of the container you making extraordinary modifications in order to make a sale is not serving anybody.

Why the best way to serve your people is to meet them in the squirm

The best way, the highest way that you can ethically lovingly and potently serve your people is to meet them in whatever the squirm is. So when I talk about the scoring, what I mean in a sales process is like, I love this, or I definitely want to do this, but like, I’m feeling like I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to or like I’ve totally been following you for months and years, but like, I’ve got XYZ thing on like, we want to remodel the kitchen, and you know, we’re moving next month or this is happening, or you know, later this year, I want to like start my podcast and I know I need to keep a budget for that. That’s the squirm. The squirm is where you are witnessing, whether this is in like a private DM conversation or reply to a marketing email, whatever, but you’re noticing that your people your hot leads, people who have been following you watching you being in your world, they’re squirming there, they want to say yes. What I think is really important, is what I am talking about is not like randomly messaging people that you’ve never spoken to. I’m talking about the people who are opening your emails, the people who are replying to your stories, the people who are voting on your polls, the people who have clicked on links for months or months or years even but haven’t taken the plunge and they reach out to you and they want to do the thing but they’re in the squirm. They’re like they’re, they’re caught. And what’s happening is that there is a looping, patterned response going on inside of them that is preventing them from stepping in. And so if you and so like with this particular client, what I said to her is, well, can you actually make this program shorter, and she said, You know what not really like the depth that I need to go to with these women requires either, like, clear the decks and like go super freaking deep for a shorter period of time. And that doesn’t work for me, or we need minimum eight months in order to do this work. And I said to her, what we need to do then is not make all these external modifications to the offer. It’s not lower the price point it’s more powerfully and presently meet your people in the squirm say, Hey, I hear that it would, that it feels scary to you to commit to something for eight months or for a year, I hear that there’s a part of you that’s really like uncertain about what’s going to where you’re even going to be in a year. Or if you’re going to be able to commit and show up, I hear that there’s a whole bunch and a whole litany of reasons why that is a scary thing for you. And let me also reflect this back to you. In order to do this depth of work. It requires your commitment for a longer period of time, frankly, if you are wanting this level of transformation, but you’re only willing to commit to something for like three weeks or three months, you’re not in it, you’re not actually willing to be to meet your own edge to meet your own discomfort to step in the water and like let that squirming and that resistance just melt away. Because you are held, then there’s not much I can do for you. I am here holding this container and holding this frequency I’m here engaging with you in this conversation, because I can see that you are ready for this because I can see that you want this.

How to hold your clients in the squirm

But you’ve got to be willing to put your own resistance at the door, you’ve got to be willing to fight more for what it is that you want. And listen more to the desire and the pool and the knowing that you have for the growth that you want, then all of the reasons that your brain is dredging up so that you don’t take action in the direction of your dreams, because there is uncertainty, every single move that you make in the direction of your growth is going to include uncertainty, it’s going to include a certain degree of fear, because you’re not controlling the outcome when we grow you guys, when we make investment decisions. When this is true for me, by the way, investing hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of 1000s of dollars, in my business in my growth in investments that I’ve made to grow myself personally to grow my company, hundreds of 1000s of dollars over the last five years. And every single time there is a flitter and of course like this as a muscle gets stronger in the in the voice of doubt gets lower. But every single time there’s like a who there’s a butterfly, there’s a moment of like I am lifting off, I’m literally taking off from what I know to be true. And what my domain and dominion of control is and where I am going. But I just like we can literally move from one side to the of the room to the other without lifting our previous foot off of the ground. So too does your growth require you to move so too? Does your growth require you to take a step. And it’s like if you can meet your people in your own way and your own expression, in their squirm in they’re trying to get out of it in there, like coming up with all of these reasons why they can’t have it. See, there’s a lot of business coaches that say like, Oh, if a client like is more into their excuses, then they’re into their dreams, like they’re a nightmare client and run away. And I am not talking about having like, you know, our long DM conversations with people who are are just never going to make a move.

That is where your discernment needs to come in. However, I do know that every single person including the biggest risk taking bold move, making, like big energy women that you know, they also have their own scoring moments. I have my own score moments. And it is people who have met me and my squirm met me in my hesitation that have been the people that I’ve hired, not because I needed them to convince me of anything. They didn’t need to convince me of anything. But I needed to feel in my score meanness I needed to feel in my hesitation that they could hold me I needed to and I think on a subconscious level, I was testing them. Just like I think on a subconscious level, a lot of your leads, who are like circling and wanting to make the move and wanting to take the plunge. They’re waiting to see how you interact with them. And all of this talk of like, you know, don’t follow up with people or don’t have a conversation with people or whatever. I think it is. It’s a very really big disservice because it categorizes people based on like what behavior they exhibit in that exact moment. I think that I look at like some of the most incredible clients that I’ve had clients that I have literally supported to make millions with an s of dollars have been super squirmy at the beginning, women who have blown up in this industry that you know, that you probably follow started with a squirm.

And if I had not been willing to meet them and say, Hey, I see I see you, I see that this is really freakin scary, I see that there’s a lot coming up. I don’t have a personal agenda or attachment, because I need your money. I have an investment in you not getting in your own way. And here’s what I see happening. And here’s what I know to be true. And this is where like the key to all of this, this like piercing benevolent, dumb energy, it requires you to be unattached to whether or not that person signs up. This is very important. If you are attached to them needing to sign up and you needing their money and day to day, it’s not going to be clean this frequency, this energetic exchange, it’s not going to be clean. But when you are clean and your frequency you can hold such a piercing and benevolent and loving containment and presence. And that is what your people need to feel in order to step inside of a program in order to say, You know what, this terrifies me. And it also is exactly where I need to be I know I need to work with you. I’m done. Like following you. And binging all your free content and just doing that but not letting myself take the next step because of XYZ reason like I’m done with that I’m ready to be held by you in a deeper way. Because you are showing me in the exchange before I pay you a cent that you can hold me you are showing me that you possess a level of mastery, a level of self possession within yourself that you are willing to hold me. And that’s what I need.

So I hope that you take this lesson, I hope that you apply it, I hope you let yourself experience what can happen and what extraordinary, not only sales you can make, but client relationships you can build, not to mention the results that your clients will get when you hold them in this way. Like I have seen women, you know, and we hear a lot of the time like oh, just by virtue of investing in XYZ program. I made so much of it back. This happens for me. All of the time. clients who’ve been like waffling or wavering are not sure if they want to do it. They finally I hold them in there squirm. I say Hey, I see you. Like, are you ready to do this? Like, what let’s not let’s stop pretending here, I see you, I see that you want this, the door is open, I am ready to walk with you. Let’s go. If you want it, let’s go, I’m not going to want it for you. I’m not going to chase you.

But I’m also not going to let you squirm and flail and just say I’m too good for that goodbye, I’m going to say hey, do you want to do this, no more that then let’s go, we got work to do, we got magic to make. And when they trust themselves enough to lead themselves through that process, with my support with my present and loving support, the momentum that they unlock is extraordinary. I have so many clients who make their investment back very, very quickly, because they step into the room. They’re activated. They’re they’re accessing a new frequency and a new level of themselves by virtue of moving into the container, they have unlocked a reservoir of momentum that otherwise would not have been available to them. And they move so powerfully. So I want you to consider this next time you are in a conundrum where you are either fearing a bunch of objections from your clients or you have been receiving a bunch and ask yourself, are you actually holding them? Are you actually meeting them in the squirm or are you squirming with them? If you are coming down to their level and squirming with them? That’s not an empowered sales relationship. That’s not an empowered situation.

If you are able to say Hey, I see you I see you squirm and all about I see you fighting for your excuses. I see you freaking out because of all the stuff you don’t know. Guess what? Here’s the solid ground that we’re on. Uncertainty is part of the game. Not knowing is part of the game. If you want to expand if you want to rise, you got to get comfortable with uncertainty. You got to get comfortable with it not being perfect and predictable. This is where the magic happens. I am here. I am ready to meet you here. I am with you in this and I’m ready to support you to fly and it’s your call And that presence that returning of their power to them is extraordinary. It is so, so powerful. I hope this episode served you today. I feel like this should be like a paid sales class honestly but I am so happy to share this out there in the world. I hope that this massively massively served you and supported you.

And listen up you guys we are about we’re actually enrolling behind the scenes right now we are about to do a launch for a container that is going to rock your freakin worlds and entire year of support of being held in this way to grow and expand your business to learn all of the skills, the individual skills that are required to grow and scale, a multiple million dollar business. These are this I’m not going to say too too much now because we’re going to release the launch. But if you are watching this if you are listening to this if you are hearing this right now, guess what something massive is coming in to give you a little hint. It is a membership experience. It is an extremely value dense, high impact. Extremely like overflowing the abundant, slowly supportive curriculum that covers every single thing you need to grow and scale your company.

I have included over nine live coaching programs plus access to anything new that I innovate in the next year plus access to all of my masterclass all my paid masterclasses paid trainings, previously recorded courses but live coaching with me every single month for an entire year for a rate that is going to honestly revolutionize this industry. It makes no sense it is ridiculously accessible and it is available to you so if you are watching this and you have been calling in support you have been hovering in my world, you have been looking at how you can have my support to and how I can teach you literally everything that I know from going from broke as a joke five years ago to a multiple million dollar company. This is the opportunity to do that. This is the place to plug in you can be anywhere in your business. The tools that I am going to teach you here have supported my clients who are at Ground Zero and building from the ground up and they have supported my clients who are already making millions. This is a room you absolutely want to be in if you want details and access to the presale pricing that only is available right now. Send me a DM on Instagram that says membership and I will send you the details. Thank you so much for listening to this episode.

Do me a favor and share this on your Instagram stories if this episode has served you if you have taken something powerful away, and I can’t wait to read that and don’t forget, send me a DM with membership if you want details. I love you guys so much. Thank you for tuning in and I will talk to you soon.

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Hey, I'm Cait!

Boss mama, wife, and 7-figure CEO empowering women to build profitable, purpose-driven businesses that change the world.


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