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Episode 186: On The Other Side of Your Breakdown is Your Breakthrough

Episode 186: On The Other Side of Your Breakdown is Your Breakthrough

I wanted to take a second to come on and have a chat here with you all about yesterday, just the incredible conversations, holy smokes, that that share of the freakin hard stuff. I could not have anticipated how much all of us evidently really needed those conversations to be happening.

For those of you who are new around here, my name is Cait Scudder. I am a seven figure business coach. And I support women to scale their businesses, to increase their visibility and confidence and magnetism, and really grow profitable companies that change the world. And I’m also a mom of two young kids. I am currently based in Sydney, Australia, normally live in Maine. But my husband is Australian. And we, as part of our compromise in life is spending a couple months of the year here so that our kids can grow up and have connection with their people and this place from this side of the world. And so that Toby gets to keep nurturing the relationships on this side of the world as well. Plus, it’s nice to have a reason to leave Maine in the wintertime, which can really drag on.

So anyway, I shared yesterday that yesterday, I was honestly y’all I was at the end of my rope. I just felt like every single possible ball that could have been dropped, felt like it dropped. And I was just like, a true FML moment of just like, do I just burn this whole thing to the ground and be a stay at home mom, and even that feels like I’m not doing a good job at that. So What the actual fuck. And I shared that on Instagram. I shared the tearful moments, my team put together a really beautiful like repurpose post today. I was like texting my mom crying, feeling like I am just a failure at absolutely everything. And the over whelming response – it just blew me away. And there’s a couple of really important takeaways that I want to share with you about this.

The importance of sharing your vulnerability

The first is this, if you are somebody… We’re talking about this a lot inside of Range right now. So Range is one of my live group coaching programs inside of my membership, the Leap Year Membership, it’s so valuable, it’s such a juicy place. I teach a live program every month that either dives deep into the strategy, the marketing, sales structure, or the energetic. So range is really about thought leadership. It’s also about strategic messaging and brand positioning. And anyway, we’ve been talking a lot about expanding our emotional surface area to allow our audience and our community to connect with us in a deeper way. Because that sense of connection is so related to conversion sales, know, like, trust factor, etc.

And it’s really ironic because I think for a lot of women, certainly for myself included, the part where we share our vulnerability, our humaneness, what I call like our hairy underbelly, that’s the part that feels the most terrifying to our ego. That’s the part that feels like I don’t want anyone to know this about my world. I don’t want anyone to know that I am struggling right now. I don’t want anyone to know that I feel like I’m falling apart. And the illusion is that when you unlock a certain level of success, when you have a million dollars to your name, or when your company is making 100k months or whatever, the imaginary milestone is that you have in your mind when I get to that place, then it will be safe to share my vulnerability because everybody will just trust me already. And so, you know, people who’ve like quote unquote, “made it” are able to share their vulnerability, but not me, because I don’t have enough credibility yet. That’s something that I’ve heard before.

And here’s what I want to say to that. I actually think that the more successful, like in the traditional sense, the more successful that you become externally, the harder it becomes to share the vulnerable things. Because internally, this has been my experience internally, it’s really easy for people to put you up on a pedestal. It’s really easy for people to see oh, you’ve unlocked XYZ level of success, whether that is revenue that you generate, or success like wealth that you’ve accumulated, or a certain level of lifestyle freedom that you have, or a certain like, relationship dynamic that you have. And therefore, you have it all figured out, and you have it all perfect. And I see this a lot with my really, like financially successful and thriving clients. And I definitely noticed this with myself that it becomes like, there’s almost this internalized sense of, well, people look up to me because of my insert-aspirational-qualities-here, right? And it doesn’t just need to be money, if you’re a business coach, it could be any set of like… Let’s say you’re a relationship coach and so you’re constantly show, or you’re a sex coach, and you’re constantly showcasing, you know, the beautiful intimacy and the chemistry and the polarity and whatever in your relationship. Meanwhile, it feels like if people knew that you fought with your spouse, or like, zoned out on the couch, eating ice cream from a, you know, pint, watching Netflix or just being on your phones that like nobody would ever hire you again. So whatever the like, hairy underbelly side is of your life that you feel like you’re not allowed to share.

First of all, don’t tell yourself the lie, because it is a lie that if you know, successful people, or once you get to x level, then you can share all that, and then it’s easy to share that because you’ve already established the know, like, trust factor. I’m sitting over here, millions of dollars into this business. And I will tell you, sharing that yesterday felt like an ego death to me, and I was quite honestly at the fuckup point. So I was like, we’re just gonna put this out there. And funny story, my internet was like being really weird. And I don’t know if you guys have experienced this before. But sometimes, you know, when you upload a story, and it says, like, story failed, that happened a couple of different times. And I was like, hmm, maybe this is the universe telling me not to post this. And then I really checked in with myself, and I’m like, No, this message needs to be shared. So just a reminder that when you experience like a wall closing or door closing, or a wall coming up, and your ego wants to say, oh, maybe this is my Get Out of Jail Free card, and I’m just going to get away from doing the thing that I know that I actually need to do. It does not mean that you are actually meant to hide away. Sometimes it means that the universe is giving you an opportunity to say, Hey, what is really in alignment here? And are you going to follow through with that?

So anyway, share the post. And like I said, the response that I have received has been so overwhelming and beautiful. The gratitude for seeing the full picture, the exhale for other women who are building businesses, who also have hard as freakin moments where it is not all rainbows and unicorns, and money guns and just make outs on the beach and watermelon and whatever. Like, it is that sometimes, but there’s also the other side. And I said this today in a post that I wrote and shared, I am always going to advocate for women standing tall and proud and strong, and sharing from the rooftops, their overwhelming radiance, their power, their results that they’ve generated, the confidence that they exude, what they stand for, what they’ve embodied, what they’ve created. We need this medicine in the world. The more that we shine, the more we give others permission to shine. The more that we stand tall, the more than we straighten the spines of the room around us. It is essential that we share our light and share our gifts.

And I think that like camp vulnerability over here can almost like make us do this contorted thing of like, Oh, I just need to share the hard parts of the life is super hard. And that’s the only real side. And I think there’s a shadow side to that as well. Just like there’s a shadow side to avoiding the vulnerable, just like there’s a shadow side to only showing the highlight reel.

The truth is both. The truth is both in. The truth is it gets to be you get to be magnanimous, powerful, expansive, radiant, confident, successful, magnetic, capable, all of the things and you get to be a real ass human who falls apart sometimes, who questions at all, aho texts her mom crying, who doesn’t feel like she’s doing a good enough job no matter what. And what I have witnessed and seen in the last 24 hours is that the “both and” is the medicine. The being witnessed in the both and is the medicine. So that’s the first takeaway is don’t be afraid to share the thing that makes your ego feel like you might die. Because that is often the exact thing that your people are waiting for. The exact exhale in their nervous system that they’ve been waiting for. That’s the first thing.

The second thing – and this is like such a beautiful cosmic tap on the shoulder for me as I dive into writing my first book. I actually started a book a couple years ago and then let it sit on the backburner for years while I transitioned into motherhood. But I am just so like okay universe, I see you because what happened yesterday with the share, the dozens and dozens and dozens and dozens of conversations that have just been blowing up my inbox, and my, my DMs has made it so clear how important this message is to come out into the world. So I’m sharing this here with you guys very like behind the scenes preliminary, as my book cooks away. But one of the things that my book is going to be talking a lot about is drawing the parallels between birth and business. That’s gonna make me emotional talking about this. But one of the things that I know to be true, some of you may have heard me share this before in the birth story episode, on the podcast with Jack. Oh, totally is gonna make me emotional, I wasn’t expecting that. The moment that you feel like you can’t do it, these were words that my midwife spoke to me during a 19 hour labor. On the other side of that is when you meet your baby, on the other side of when you feel like I could not possibly keep going. That is when a shift is about to happen. And so I don’t know.

How birth and business are similar

And I share this with you today as it relates to business. So that’s like in labor, in business, the moments that you feel. And I can tell you this, because I was in one of these moments yesterday in my business, where it just felt like, fuck it, like truly eff it. I am just, I just want to walk away. And wouldn’t it be nice to just shut this whole thing down and disappear from the internet and whatever. You can be super successful. And you can love your clients and love your work and still have moments where you feel like that. So just being super honest with you guys. And, and on the other side of that, this tremendous buildup of pressure, this tremendous feeling of like everything is falling down at once. And I just want to like crawl into bed and cry under the covers.

On the other side of that is your breakthrough. And like I said, I’ve had so many beautiful conversations in the DMS, I’ve had clients inquiring about working together on all sorts of different levels. I’ve had so many women say, this is why I follow you and why you are the coach that I want to work with, or that I am working with or that I am going to be working with very soon is because these are the things that we need to share. And listen, I did not share what I did yesterday as of like client acquisition strategy, I shared it because I’m like, I literally can’t not, I literally can’t be in this role of leadership and not let you see some of what is happening here. That’s my responsibility to you all as a leader and frankly to myself. And but what I want you to know is that the internal experience was one of freaking heck, everything sucks right now. This is so hard and I don’t know where we go from here. I don’t know if there is like a breakthrough on the other side. In the moment, it just feels like a steaming pile of crap. In the moment, it just feels like everything’s broken. In the moment, it just feels like I don’t even know what to do.

And that is not the end of the story. I’m sitting here 24 hours later, having had, and I shared a bunch of this stuff in the post that I am referring to here in this video. But I shared that you know, it felt like things were falling apart in the relationship category. It felt like things were falling apart in certain areas of my business. It felt like I was just not meeting my kids and connecting with them in the way that I needed to. The logistics of childcare, like literally every single ball that I was juggling and what felt like a circus, I felt like I was dropping. And I’m sitting here 24 hours later, and I’m not saying, oh, everything’s just perfect now. But like, progress has been made.

Toby and I had a really beautiful session with our couples therapist, we really dropped in and connected with each other and had a communication breakthrough. The things that felt like they were on fire and needing tending in the business, were actually not that big. But it turns out when you’re viewing things that need your attention in your business, from the vantage point of an overwhelmed and taxed nervous system, it seems like catastrophic. When in reality, it’s just day to day stuff that just needs tending. And it’s not really a big deal at all. And so that’s been sorted out. I had a really beautiful drop in with my kids and being like, you know, what, me feeling overwhelmed and letting them see that doesn’t mean that I’m like setting them up for a dysregulated nervous system. It means that they’re seeing a human being raising them and living a full life and coming back with Ella and getting on her level and just sharing honestly with her and giving her the emotional lexicon that is appropriate for a two and a half year old. But to just know that it’s okay, it’s okay to see mommy have big emotions, it’s okay. And I’m not, you know, messing her up. That was so beautiful. And this is 24 hours later, you guys.

So I’m sharing this with you, because I want you to know that in birth, as in business, there are moments when it feels like I could not possibly keep going. This is the end of the line for me, this is so freaking hard that I I literally cannot see a pathway through. And it feels like a Hail Mary in that moment to be like, Is there even another side to this? Is there even a breakthrough because all I am feeling energetically, emotionally, mentally, strategically, whatever it just feels like this is the end. And I have been reminded of this in business, I was deeply reminded of this in birth, that I’ve got, again, every time I say that, I feel like I’m gonna burst into tears. When you feel that way that is the moment that the breakthrough is almost here. When you feel like oh my god, I just I need to have this release, I need to let go, I need to surrender I need to put the weight down. on the other side of that oftentimes it is that surrender. It is coming to that breaking point it is just having that exhale, that somatic release, that crying, whatever the thing is, that moment, is the moment that an energetic shift is imminent. And is right, right, right, right around the corner.

How to move through a breakdown

So I really want you to hear this because I know (because like I said, I was literally there 24 hours ago) I know that in the moments that feel the hardest, it doesn’t feel like there’s a breakthrough around the corner. It just feels like a breakdown, and a breakdown that is making you question absolutely everything about yourself, about your skill set, about your business, about what the fuck you’re doing, about whether you want to keep doing this. But I promise you, the way to move through that is just to move through it one honest and real step at a time.

I want you to ask yourself these questions. What is true for me right now? What do I need to release? What do I need to share? What do I need to shift? What do I need to allow? Can I let the truth of this moment wash over me? Is there something that I feel like I need to express or share in the external in order to feel aligned, truthful, complete, coherent? What do I need to say? What do I need to let go of and and rewrite? What action can I take that’s going to move me closer to the feeling that I want to have again?

So whether that is you know, tending to a particular relationship, or dropping in a certain way in your business, a piece of content that you need to get, what is the thing that is going to make you feel congruent and aligned in yourself and in your center? Because that is the thing that is going to allow energy to move, energy to move, think about like you know, the baby traveling down the birth canal, it’s like just that tiny millimeter of movement can actually change everything and bring that full release.

So, the second part of this episode and this takeaway for you is this: when you feel like you are breaking down, when you feel like everything is effed, when you feel like you’re at the end of the line, I promise you, your break through is around the corner. And the way to move through it is to keep moving through it. Nobody can actually coach you on what it looks like to keep moving through, you have to live into that yourself. What I can coach you on, and what I can tell you is that being the most truthful that you can possibly be in yourself and in your center, and to keep showing up for life and business in the most honest and real way – that will keep that will reveal the next step to you. That will help you break through to the other side. And I promise you what feels like the biggest ego death is actually going to birth the biggest liberation. And frankly, the conversation that you feel like you need to have – yesterday guys, I was feeling like I never frickin want to show up on this platform ever again. I don’t want to say anything, I don’t even know that I say anything ever that’s of value. Just like really in this mindset spiral of like questioning my value, and my not my value but like my my body of work. And last night, this morning, I have just been in this like prolific outpouring. I’ve just been thumbs falling off in my notes app, like I have so much to say. I have so much to share. I feel this completely reinvigorated surge of value and content and meaningful, impactful conversation that I’m wanting to bring forward because I am bringing it forward and it is having such a profound impact. And 24 hours ago I was questioning everything.

Why it’s important to take people off the pedestal

So number one: take people off a pedestal. Even the most successful of us in this industry have moments where we question it all. Okay, so if that’s you you’re not doing something wrong if you feel that. Number two: right before, right before the breakthrough comes the breakdown. Right before the surge of creative energy feels like I don’t know if I have anything to freakin contribute at all. So trust the process. I like and I know that sounds so fucking bumper sticker wisdom, but I mean it when I say in this business in the process of building your empire, in the process of contribution, meaningful, rich body of work building, you must trust the process, you must welcome these moments that feel like such tight squeezy contraction.

I said this to a friend on Voxer today, I was like, I feel like the universe sat on my face. And until the point that I just had to show like me getting crushed basically. And I can see now that that had to happen. That was for a reason, because this conversation that has emerged as a result of that is of such extraordinary service. God, the universe, was using me in this particular experience to share the medicine that is now coming out. I couldn’t see it even a day ago. It just felt like why me, why is this happening? But this was essential for my own soul’s journey leadership, growth, development, ripening, what have you, and for all of the women and lives that I impact through my work.

So please trust that there is a bigger story than the feeling of break down. There is a bigger story than the feeling of failure. There’s a bigger story then the feeling of I could not possibly keep going. On the other side of that is where all the momentum lifts.

Send me a DM on Instagram if you have listened to this episode to let me know your biggest takeaway. I just so appreciate you being here and being part of this community. I’m sending you all so much love. I hope you have a beautiful rest of your day and I will be back on here soon. Bye guys.

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Hey, I'm Cait!

Boss mama, wife, and 7-figure CEO empowering women to build profitable, purpose-driven businesses that change the world.


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