Today we are going to be talking about pressure, detachment, and desire. When it comes to money, I received a really amazing question in a program that I was co-facilitating with Taylor Lee, in Million Dollar Mama. A question arose in the group that is so beautiful and has come up so many different times with different clients. So I decided to record a podcast episode to really go into detail about my thoughts on this topic.
How To Take The Pressure Off Without Detaching From The Outcome
Her question was, how to take the pressure off, or how to start to detach from the outcome more? My response to this question was potentially a little bit unconventional for us. But I think that it’s a really important thing to think about.
So the first thing that I said to this woman was, I don’t actually think that you need to detach from the outcome that you want. One thing that I think really trips a lot of business owners up with goal setting, with desires, with wanting to break into a new income bracket –let’s say that’s 20k a month for you, let’s say that’s 50k months, let’s say that’s 100k a month, maybe it’s 150k a month, it doesn’t actually matter the amount, but whenever there is a desire to expand, to rise to go to our next level, so much of the time, that desire can be really fraught with this push-pull energy of, I really want to get there. But I feel just by naming and claiming that desire for myself a ton of pressure.
If I don’t get it, I’m going to be really disappointed. Or if I don’t get it right away, I’m going to feel really frustrated. Or if I can’t hit it, then that’s indicative that I’m not going to be successful in the long run or that I’m going to spiral back into this really terrible position or that I’m going to have to get a waitressing job and have to quit my business or all of these different areas that our brains can go when we don’t get a result that we want.
How To Take Your Power Back Around Pressure & Detachment
So my biggest piece of advice is really needing to flip the script and take our power back around this conversation around pressure and detachment. I actually think that the medicine for alleviating the pressure valve for really removing so much of this external, urgent, critical alarm bell energy when it comes to hitting our goals or expanding our income or elevating into a new income bracket really rising in any capacity is not around detaching from the number, but detaching from the timeline.
I think that so much pressure is wrapped up in this idea that we want what we want. But then we feel like if we don’t hurry up and get it right now we’re failing, we’re behind. We’re not moving quickly enough, we’re doing something wrong. I think timeline, much more than the desire or the number itself is really where so many entrepreneurs get tripped up. And the way that we can really start to unhook and unravel this pressure around timeline is, Number one, examine what we are making our timelines mean.
So I shared an example today that I think was really helpful and I want to share it here as well because I just think it’s important that we normalize this. That we have this conversation. I remember the first in-person VIP day that I did with a business coach. It was a multiple five-figure investment. I was doing an in person day and we talked about offers and we mapped out a pathway for me to have a $500,000 year. This was in 2017 and at the time I was like holy freaking smokes, $500,000 in a year would be insane.
This is at the end of August when I’m recording this. We’re well over that, nearly double that now eight months into the year but again, for me at that moment in 2017 mapping this out I was like Holy smokes, this feels edgy AF, this feels so expansive. I really, really want this, I deeply, deeply desire this, lets go. And it really energized me and motivated me. What I want to share with you is that my first year in business was nowhere near half a million dollars a year. It was six, I think it was $110,000 or 108,000. It was just into six figures, not multiple six figures, my first year six figures.
The Toxicity Behind Comparing Timelines
That is what it is everyone’s comparing themselves to, all these other timelines. I think this is where a lot of pressure comes from. It’s not even actually our own internal pressure with ourselves. But the pressure to have a relevant Instagram bio, the pressure to be in this keeping up with the Joneses game of online business world and relevance and whatever. I think it’s really toxic.
I think it’s a really subtle way that this comparison that so many of us started this business started our businesses to get out of a rat race in the first place can creep back in. This way of external pressure is not even motivated by our own internal timeline. But by keeping up with someone else’s timeline.
At the time, I was very grateful and so happy and so energized. We had a Forbes feature, right after my first year in business talking about building a six-figure business by empowering women, it was super, super exciting. And yet, there was a part of me that was disappointed, there was a part of me that really wanted to have executed on and met that half a million dollar timeline that I mapped out with my coach.
How To Let Go Of Your Timeline But Still Hold Onto Your Goal
One of the biggest things that has served me so well in my business is letting go of a timeline, but staying actually attached and connected to and holding in a really soft way.
I want you to imagine holding sand in your hands. You’re not gripping it so hard that it slips through your fingers, you’re cupping it, you’re holding with love, you’re holding it with gentleness, you’re holding me/ Not that I walk around cupping sand in my hand, but you get the analogy, you get my drift here. You’re not holding it so tightly that your hand starts to hurt.
I held on to that desire until that became real for me. And that has been true with every goal that I have set. Every money desire that I have held, every new level of business that I have risen into has been about really staying connected to the goal that we set. Not being so attached to timeline and when we can stay connected to the desire, but detached from the timeline. I feel this is a beautiful place where we can exponentially rise and expand, we can exponentially blow our own minds do crazy things with time, because we’re not staring at it like a kettle that is about to boil.
One of the things that I just think is so beautiful and so interesting, as it relates to this topic is when we are really fixating on, focusing on, needing a certain thing to happen in a certain amount of time. What we’re doing is we’re artificially manufacturing a problem. I was just saying this to somebody else. Let’s say your goal is to build a seven-figure business, whether you do that in this month, or whether you do that in three years, doesn’t really matter. You’re going to be a millionaire anyway.
Why Timelines Take Away Your Intrinsic Power To Create Your Own Results
So this idea of pressure, pressure pressure, it has to happen now, I think that we really rob ourselves of our innate power and our intrinsic power to create any result that we desire when we place ourselves under this undue manufactured pressure. That is inflicting timeline expectations onto ourselves when we can stay short motivated. I’m not saying goal setting is bad. I think it can be really energizing, but I really have a philosophy when it comes to goals. Let’s set them, let’s have a plan for them. You know I love me some strategy, but also let’s not freak out about them and make it mean anything if it takes longer or shorter than we anticipated or plan for to hit a goal.
This goes back to something that I posted on Instagram recently. We need to stop outsourcing our power to conditions and to timelines. Any single thing outside of you that is making you feel like you are behind, like you are doing it wrong, like you are becoming irrelevant –any of those externally driven voices and fears based on you not being hitting a certain result in a certain timeframe needs to go. It needs to be transmuted, not squashed and eliminated and stuffed down and gaslit and pretend it’s not there, but transmuted, alchemize transformed at the root.
When we start to do that, that is when we free ourselves to be in a playful state. That’s when we free ourselves to be inherently creative and looking for creative solutions. That’s when we open ourselves up to results happening in timelines that don’t even make sense.
Recently, we celebrated $100,000 day with zero paid ads, extremely low overhead. We were over $90,000 in profit on that single day. This was insane. We’re talking literally three times what my yearly teaching salary was received in a single day. Time can warp and collapse at hyperspeed when we allow ourselves to stay connected to the desire.
The Problem With Alleviating The Pressure Around Hitting Your Goals
I want to expand on this point a little bit. The problem with removing pressure, quote, unquote, I’m doing this in air quotes, which you obviously can’t see. But the problem with alleviating pressure by just detaching from the goal or the desire itself is that it actually manufactures a loss for us internally before we even put ourselves out there. It’s the same equivalent of having had some bad experiences dating in the past, having experienced maybe some heartbreak really liking a guy or being interested in a guy or a significant other, whatever. And then realizing this is dangerous, this might not work out. So let me come up with these excuses of why I’m better off without this person anyway, or why it might not work out anyway. I might as well just try to cultivate inner happiness.
Okay, sure, it’s important for you to be happy by yourself. Yes, that matters. And that’s avoidance. That’s not necessarily just following your truth, that’s not wanting to get hurt. So we’re taking ourselves out of the arena before we have the opportunity to get hurt. Anytime we have a desire and if that desire for you is $50,000 in your bank every single month or $100,000, whatever that number is, that is yours. Own it, that desire is holy, it is in you for a reason it is guiding you in propelling you forward for a reason. We don’t need to give that up in order to eliminate pressure.
What we need to do is really release this idea that I have to do it in this amount of time. We can have it as a goal to achieve in the next six months. But your ability or your quote unquote success with achieving that in the next six months does not mean anything about your ability to do that in the future.
Transforming Your Relationship With Pressure
Anytime I am short on a goal or I don’t have a launch that goes the way that I want or a month that goes the way that I want. I say to the universe, thank you for opening up doorways and creative solutions for other ways for this money to flow in that I’m not even aware of right now. Thank you for delivering me the lessons that I received in this thank you for opening me up to more patience, thank you for expanding my capacity to stay in it even when things don’t go my way I am learning I am grateful. I am wildly abundant. I know everything is coming to me. Thank you. That is the vibe that is the mindset that is the space that we can cultivate internally to be in such a place of expansion. When we transform our relationship with pressure in this way, we stay available for straight-up magic rising to levels that we could not even imagine.
So I hope this episode has been helpful in helping you really reframe your relationship with pressure if you have ever felt pressure to hit a particular number to have a particular revenue year or month or launch number. What would happen if you stay deeply invested in and connected to that number, knowing that you can always breathe and move and expand without being so hyper pressurized on yourself as it relates to timeline we can have the goal?
If we don’t hit it cool, we stay available we stay the course we stay open to creative solutions. We stay open to it being available for us in ways bigger and better than we could have ever imagined. When we can unlock that. That is when we are golden. I think this conversation around pressure is one that is so relevant for us as business owners and we don’t talk about it enough. So share it encourage your communities to listen to this. I hope that you have gained some value from this I’d love to know your biggest takeaway and most important. So much love everybody.