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Episode 149: Use Your Trigger as a Portal to Your Transformation

Episode 149: Use Your Trigger as a Portal to Your Transformation

This episode was so inspired by a conversation that I had recently with a client who shared with me so beautifully. So vulnerably. So just raw-ly. Is that a word? Her experience of me to begin with. And it was such a powerful conversation, we were talking about how terrifying it is to actually stand in the seat of our power. I truly believe that for most of us women, for most of us in this space, most of us who have a brand, or are building a brand, or who are using our gifts, as a catalystic force for change in the world, we are not the most afraid of failing, we are not the most afraid of what if it doesn’t work, we are afraid of having all the eyes in the room, come back on us. We are afraid of what happens when everyone’s paying attention to me. And I’m the one that they’re expecting to sit like, Can I trust what I’m about to say? Can I trust my own power? Can I really do this? Can I really lead a movement from my gifts? Can I truly hold other people like this is what arises.

The mindset block that will keep you stuck 

When we started to dig into this one of the things that arose was the profound discomfort, the profound discomfort of standing in a position of true power, wealth, leadership, being able to get ourselves in the headspace and in the seat of our own throne. And when we do that, what comes up? Is this feeling of who am I to be the one with all the attention on me? Who am I? So it’s like after the fear of can I really do this? Can I really handle all this power? What then arises and I want to know if this has come up for anybody else, because I think this is a theme that happens for so many of us women. And yet we don’t talk about this a lot. This feeling of well, who am I to do that? When we started to unpack this, and I think this is true for all of us, all of us, you and I we all have different trajectories, we all have different personal experiences for me. And I know I’ve shared this story. Some of you may know this about me at a very deep and very traumatic and painful experience of you know, women tearing me down women who were very dear and close in my life. I am so grateful for that. Because it was very it informed me it was like my worst fear right? For most of us that fear of what is she gonna think of me? What is she gonna say like that happened in a very extreme way for me. And I essentially lost friendships that I had had for years. Because there was a lot of like, talk of who does she think she is to do this who did didn’t. But what I want to share about that is that the fear of that happening is actually so much worse than that actually happening. Now granted, it was very painful. However, what I want to share with you about that, is that the fear of what will they think if I go out? What will they think if I start to use my voice? What will they think if I start to stand in my power? That mindset block is like you staying in a locked dark attic of your own brain and of your own mind. Letting that worst case what if truly keep you stuck and keep you in a box and keep you from unleashing the full power and potential of what you are here to say.

An exercise you need to walk through to break out of playing small

So here’s what I want to say in like unpacking this with this woman, I said, Let’s do an exercise I want you to think of and we can do this exercise here. Okay, I want you all every single woman who is listening to this episode right now, I want you to ask yourself, think of a woman that you know, and it can be the first person that pops into your mind. Think of a woman who embodies and stands in her power in a really strong way in a way that impacts you in a way that you feel in a way that you are like wow, to witness her and her power is profound. I want you to just think of the first woman that comes to your mind and there might be so many women in your life for whom that is the case. But I want you to think about and if it’s helpful for you to think of somebody in this space, or in who has an online business. Think of the first person that comes to mind Okay, think of somebody. And now I want you to ask yourself, What was your first experience of that person? What was your first experience? Did you automatically think God Who is she to just like, wear the red lipstick and use her gifts and go online to share her ideas freely with the world was your first thought to tear her down? Probably not.

Maybe that’s the case. And if so, there’s a beautiful opportunity for you to look at where that’s coming from, right. But for most of us, thinking about a woman who expands you thinking about a woman who makes you feel more in touch with your own power, not plugged into their power source, that’s a very different thing, right? But feeling like actually connected back into yourself your own center, your own power source, there was a super recognition that happened when you named that woman in your own brain, whoever you thought of whoever came instantly to mind, there was something being mirrored from that woman to you. And sure, she may be like badass and incredible at what she does, and like a super powerhouse and of her own right. But what you really are attracted to, what you really are drawn to is her fullest expression of power unleashed within herself, you are attracted to not her power source and her specific energy and vibration, but the fact that she is so clear, like a clear vessel, not in a clear channel plugged in to her own power source. That is what is lighting up for you. So think about that. Anytime you think the thought, or the thought wants to keep you small of oh, it’s selfish to show up in my power, or I’m going to make other women feel small. You literally now have just done an exercise whereby you were asked what who think of someone instantly, don’t overthink it off the top of your head who comes to mind and what was your thought, this woman is expansive, this woman is inspiring this woman sharing her gifts, being plugged in using her voice standing up in leadership, allowing herself to be seen allowing herself to be heard, that is expansive for me. You do the same work. And you do the same thing with the people in your world. And you might be saying okay, but I don’t have a big audience or Cait, I don’t have a ton of people who are watching me. And to which I’m going to say it does not matter. All of us started with like 100 followers on Instagram that were a couple of random friends and family members. We all start that way. And it’s by sharing our gifts, allowing ourselves to be unlocked that we start to grow that we start to expand that we start to radiate that we start to build, do not allow yourself to tell yourself the story of if I stand in my power, I’m going to make other small because you literally just did the exercise where you thought of the first woman that comes to mind that expands you because of her embodying her power. And the initial response was, this woman is an expander for me. So let that be your reminder, that is TAKEAWAY NUMBER ONE for today. What I really want to talk about all of this I really want to talk about, but what I really want to say to you is when I asked this particular client, what was your first impression of me? What was your first because she said me? And I said what was your first impression of me? And she said, Honestly, this is I feel so grateful, actually, that she said this and that the women in my space feel safe enough to tell me the freaking truth. Because that’s what we’re here for. We’re not here to sugarcoat shit and tiptoe around we’re here to get in the arena and say the things she said honestly, Cait, I was triggered by you, I was triggered by you. And then and you may or may not be thinking of me, you might be thinking of somebody else.

Why you should keep your eye out for your triggers

Think of a woman who has triggered you because of the bigness of her expression of power. Because of the fullness of how she shows up in the world. Has anybody been there? My hands are both up. I’ve totally been there. If you are noticing that there is a trigger that has arisen and it doesn’t have to be like a malicious I want to take her down, but just like oh fuck, like, there she goes again, Miss Perfect or whatever the story is, right? Whenever we start to notice that there’s a trigger, there’s an emotional response. There’s some sort of friction that arises whereby we notice that we are projecting or putting a story of otherness onto this person. There is a portal that opens here me there is a portal that opens and the women who rise in leadership, the women who are the most powerful that I know are women who have learned to listen to the triggers that arise with curiosity, and say what is here for me What is the lesson that is here? For me? What is the insight that is here for me?

What is the AHA, that is here for me, where there is a trigger, there is a portal, there is a gateway, there is an opportunity to meet what feels like an edge and actually move through it and arrive on the other side. So when you witness a woman in her power in her fullest expression, in her full, radiant self, and you may be triggered by different things, you may be triggered by somebody’s beauty and effervescence, you may feel triggered by somebody showing up in lingerie, because you don’t feel like it’s safe to do that for yourself. You may feel triggered by the way somebody talks about money. And the fact that they’re so out with it, because you feel like you’re still being bound by conditioning that says it’s wrong to talk about money, it’s wrong to desire money, it’s one, it’s wrong to want money, whatever might be there.

Finding the insight in your triggers 

If you find yourself triggered, I want you to lean into that trigger, move through it to the other side and ask yourself, hang on. If she can do this, why not me? If she can have that, why not me? If this is available to her, why isn’t it not also available to me? This moment, is the light bulb emoji, head explosion emoji. This is the breakthrough moment, if you look at I’m going to do it this way. If you look at your trigger, and believe the lie that the trigger is a wall like, Ah, she has something I don’t, or she has some superpower, she just has this thing, okay, and we’re just looking at that trigger observing it to be true, we miss the opportunity to break through it and move to the other side. Your Trigger is a mirror, your trigger is an opportunity to look at where you are believing the lie that what is possible for her is not possible for you. I’m going to say that again, your trigger, is your moment to either believe the lie or to dismantle the lie. Your Trigger is an opportunity to question the belief that says she is special and I am not she can have this and I cannot not true. Your Trigger is an opportunity to look at where you are perpetuating the story and the belief that it’s not possible to you and you know what, once you break through that, once you it’s like you’re dismantling the lie, you’re disrobing the lie that says, it’s possible for her but not me. Now, you get you have a choice, because now she is not other eyes. And in this conversation that I had with this beautiful client, she was describing this process, it was like, first I was triggered. And then I was like, hang on what’s going on here? Like, if she can do this? Why not me? Like, why not also me, I can do that. And she led herself from the trigger to the breakthrough to the Hang on, why not? Me, too, then. And like it was just so powerful to hear this on this call to then. Alright, I want to pull up a seat, I want to learn how when we dismantle the lie, that somebody else’s success, powerful expression, bold display of beauty, whatever it is that we admire in them, when we stop other-ising them when we stop putting them on a pedestal when we stop making their incredible accomplishments or profound confidence or beautiful expression, something that is up here that is unattainable that is profoundly distant. When we dismantle the lie, what happens when we break through to the other side is now we have a choice of where we want to go. And the choice is Whoa, when I am no longer perpetuating all of this space and distance between myself in this person, when I am acknowledging your and by doing that, by the way, you are already plugging back in to your power center. You are not plugging into her power center, you are plugging into your own, she has held a mirror up, you have led yourself through the trigger and to the other side, and on the other side, you then have the possibility to ask yourself, what do I want to do with this information? What do I want to do with this realization that it is all actually available to me? And I was so struck by this gorgeous woman saying and that’s when I said Cait, I want to know how I want to get in the room with you. I want to pay you to find out what you’re doing, how you’re doing it and to walk beside you to have that companionship to have that support.

The mindset and availability shift when you stop “otherizing” other women

This moment, and this is not just about like, hire me, although I’m here for it. I’m here for you. I’m freaking so all about this. This is about what the mindset shift, the energetic shift, the leadership shift, and the availability shift that happens when you stop “other”izing other women and their accomplishments and their expression of power from you. Because it’s all available to you right now. And if there are specific questions of like, hey, how do you do this? Well, being pregnant and running a, you know, having a baby and running a multimillion dollar company, or how do you lead your team? Or how do you, you know, launch in this way and have $700,000 lunches? How do you do that, like, that is what my clients pay me for, because they want to get down and dirty with it. They want to roll up their sleeves, they want to get in the freakin arena, and have access and be able to go into those questions. But what they needed to do first was lead themselves through the trigger of that’s so far in the future that’s so distant, that’s so unreal, like, light years away from what I could do. And I want to encourage you, if you are somebody who has big ambitious goals, who desires huge things for her life, who wants to rise who wants to uplevel her income, her impact her vibration, her frequency in the world, you need to recognize that it is available to you. When you move through the trigger. When you get to the other side, you have a choice. And I hope for you with the like depth of my bones, I hope for you that you realize that you have the opportunity to to claim your desire, because your trigger, how’s this for another truth, but I’m just going to leave this and then I got to go be with Allah.

Your Trigger is actually the gateway to your desire. Your Trigger is showing you what it is that you want to be more fully expressed in or a particular area that you desire to be more fully expressed in in your own business career finances. self image confidence level, it is a mirror for you, showing you what you actually want more of. And when you recognize that and you stop making her the bad other or her this unrelatable figure and you say hang on this woman. She’s not a competitor. She’s not just some like super woman on a pedestal. She is a mentor, a sister, somebody that can truly be in my corner. And I will tell you, I share the story of one of my mentors and coaches that I work with her name’s Kate Northrup, many of you may know her, I had a dream about joining her mastermind joined it immediately. It was just a gut knowing. But I was really triggered by her and her message of like, do less. And I had to notice in my because I was like early postpartum my boobs were leaking everywhere. I felt like I was just really struggling to figure out how to like even parent, a new mom, even if I pair to new mom be a new mom and parent myself as a new mom. But also how was I supposed to do less I felt like I could barely do anything. I feel like I could barely do washing my hair. And this is exactly what I did the process I’m describing to you have leaning into my trigger, leaning into the mirror of oh, this is something I deeply desire to lean back more and to. And you know what I did? Once I moved through that once I recognize, oh, what this is is a mirror for me this is this mirror is mute showing me my desire.

Can I look that desire in the eye? And it takes a lot of courage to do that. Because most of us want to run away and say no, it’s not my time or Yeah, I mean, sure, maybe some of that, but and we kind of like push it away. But when we are brave enough to say, oh, oh yes. This is what I want more of, then you have the agency to choose and to say I do want more of this. And you know what I do desire support in this and this woman represents expansion for me in this area. This woman there is a resonance and it’s triggering me but you know what, there is a wisdom. There is a resonance and she is a mirror for me. I do not want to other eyes her and make her story some unrelatable thing I want to hire her. I want to get in the room with her. I want to walk beside her and have that support as I rise. I hope this message has landed with you I hope you will take it in let it shape you let it make you curious about your own triggers. And let it truly show you where you are ready to be more held and supported. We do not rise in isolation. And I can tell you for a fact. If I was or I came into your mind as like a person that inspires you and represents you know an expression of power that you have, I can guarantee you, this woman would not exist, I would not be showing up in this way, if I had not also literally done this very process I am describing to you, examining my own triggers, breaking through the other side and hiring to the tunes of hundreds of 1000s of dollars in coaching alone, over the last several years of getting held and supported and guidance and mentorship, and community support all of it from women who expand me, this is how we rise.

This is how we grow. We do not believe the lie and stop at the wall of our trigger, we see the wall as for what it is, which is a mirror, and we move through it. And we get in the room. And we transform. And all of the communities that we serve, all of the women that we touched, the ripple effect extends in all directions, and benefits. Your bank account benefits, your business, your impact everything benefits when you walk through that portal. So my desire for you is that you let this message land, and you don’t just let it be an inspiration. You let it inspire action. And you know what that action is? If there is a person that has been bringing stuff up for you send her message. If there has been someone that you’ve been wanting to work with, send her a DM don’t do the thing. I’ll do it like, you know, next quarter next year, like no, get in the room now. What are you waiting for? What are you waiting for? It’s all available to you right here and right now. If this message has inspired you and you feel the pole to work together with me, I would be so honored to support you in your journey. I have a couple of different containers open right now. One on a waitlist, send me a message. You can say I want to explore what have you got. I’ll share with you about my containers. I am so passionate about supporting women to grow their impact their confidence, their income and truly build seven plus figure sustainable businesses that change the world. by unleashing these gifts. It does not happen. When we stay on the sidelines. It happens when we get in the room. It happens when we get in the arena. So don’t be scared. I am just a human. I am here on the other side. It’s me and my DMs and I would love to connect with you and support you. So send me a DM you can say explore. And I would love to talk with you about supporting you. Your Trigger is a portal. It’s a mirror to your desire and it is literally the portal for your breakthrough. Be here for it. Get curious and get to the other side. I love you all so much. Hope you have a beautiful rest of your day.

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Hey, I'm Cait!

Boss mama, wife, and 7-figure CEO empowering women to build profitable, purpose-driven businesses that change the world.

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